Thursday, December 27, 2012
Quick Takes: Holiday Slump Edition
It's Friday already?
1. Solitude is a wonderfully refreshing, but I really don't do well when forced into it. It's something I don't think I can do, but every once in a while, I'm forced into it for about a week at a time. This time, I'm distracting myself as much as possible (and channeling my frustration) by cleaning.
...lots and lots of cleaning...
2. One week down... two weeks to go before my next scheduled doctor appointment.
(unless my last exam gets postponed, in which case...I'll have to wait longer)
The only upside to having to wait so long between the last visit and the next, is that I have a fair amount of time to process what little information given to me. Thus far, I've gone days where I've felt numb, days of random crying and the rest of the time, I've just had difficulty sleeping, focusing, or caring about any of the things I've been putting my time and energy into.
3. This might seem random, but sitting here, watching "Wives with Beehives" on TLC ... it reminds me so much of this lifestyle I wanted to live. I wanted a jukebox, my record player... the vintage hair and makeup... The lifestyle portrayed in that show was something I wanted, but somewhere along the way, I became convinced that as wonderful as it seems, I wouldn't be happy with it.
The truth is, I feel as though no lifestyle would ever make me happy. Right now, I'm questioning the things I thought I wanted, didn't want, was pursuing and even that which I was avoiding. I really feel like the world (at least, my world) has been turned and tossed so much that I don't know which way is up. It's been a while since I've felt this...lost. I know from experience that I need to be careful not to cling to something superficial that catches my eye, as well as to find something to hang on to so I don't just sink in the negative emotions that will come up.
4. In a completely related topic, I did something stupid. The kind of stupid you do if you're a girl and you go though a tough break up (even though I didn't go through a break up...but that's not the point). I dyed my hair and bought a purse. Well... the hair is temporary, and the purse was actually a Christmas gift from a relative who TWICE had me burst into tears when they had an inquiry ill-timed. I don't know... If I don't come out of this slump, I may keep the hair color.
5. I've started working on a writing project that man end up as a video project.. The writing project is titled "Deconstructing Miss M" and is heavily influenced by this whole "I'm changing EVERYTHING because I'm frustrated and hurt and nothing makes sense anymore!" feeling I've been stuck in.
6. If I were to actually create a series of videos (or even just a few videos), are there any special topics you'd want to hear about? Any activities or challenges for me to do? (leave all ideas in comments...please!)
7. Finally...I thought I'd end on a lighthearted note:
Aside from kitchy crafter, poet/speaker or vintage housewife... I'd want to go back in time and find my voice (the one I lost when I had that bad series of throat issues and then my singing just plain sucked) and stick with singing and taking care of my voice.... so I could find other musicians and start either a swing or rockabilly band. (because it would be awesome).